I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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