We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
