I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize