I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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