At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we're making bets on your personal life
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
