you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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