I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
