Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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