I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
