alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
