those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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