dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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