So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
