You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
