I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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