hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize