i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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