How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
