Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
