Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
