somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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