Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
