Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
