there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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