Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
