for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize