I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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