I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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