U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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