i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
