also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
