Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
