cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
