he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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