I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we should paint friendship bongs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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