Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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