Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
