I look better un-naked...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
