it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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