I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
