Whatcha textin bout Willis?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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