none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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