My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I look better un-naked...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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