I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He felt like a one man threesome
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
be right there i have to get my cape
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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