I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
