You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize