GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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