In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
