remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
