I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize