No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
