She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
