guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
