I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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