I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
