I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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