we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
