I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
