I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
