Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
