remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
