if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize