my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
