It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
