his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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