I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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