I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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