2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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