her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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