One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
