I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
