Ambien. No doubt about it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
