Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
