well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize