dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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