Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
