some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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