How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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