I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
