I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
