i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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