My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
