my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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