So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
