Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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