there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
