Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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