Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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