Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
