is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
