This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
