why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
