I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
