I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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