i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
