I looked at my own cervix.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
