my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
