I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize