At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
