new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
