Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
