like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
