she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
